SURVIVING OPHELIA

October 16^th was a very significant day for Ireland as the world watched hurricane Ophelia lash its fury on the island in an unprecedented manner. It was the most severe weather event to hit the country in over 50 years. Schools were closed and public transport services disrupted. More than 300,000 properties were without power and three people lost their lives.

A status red warning was in place and I stayed indoors as advised by Met Eireann (the Irish National Meteorological Service) and watched the storm spiraling on the cold horizon with the wind unleashing a torrent of its own. The trees were in a mad dance and leaves were flying like a pack of cards leaving behind a tangled mess.

I thought about the structure of the storm. I remembered there was an eerie silence before the storm set loose its full magnitude. I thought about the eye of the storm where there was calm and I thought about the intensity and duration of the storm.

From afar, behind the century old brick walls of my house I felt safe. I was inside looking out.

What if it was the other way round - outside looking in.

I thought about the times when there were raging storms within us and  others looking on  had no clue about the private storms of pain, disillusionment, disappointment and betrayal.

These storms can last last for days, months, years and generations even. Hurts that are not dealt with become fossilized over time. Think layer and layer of hurt piled up like sedimentary rocks that are formed by the deposition and subsequent cementation of material.

That is the eerie calm before the storm.

When we were warned about the scale of Ophelia I immediately took into the house, garden ornaments and smaller potted plants that  I thought would be smashed to smithereens if left outside. Hachi, my labrador stayed in the whole day too and he was most pleased.

I feared for my greenhouse. Friends told me that their greenhouses flew like flying saucers in the last storm, not half as forceful as Ophelia. I searched the internet for measures to minimise breakage and every website pointed me to the importance of the foundation of the house - how it was laid and how the house was anchored.

There are no methods set in stone to overcome the storms of our lives because we are all individuals and every storm is different. Just like protecting garden ornaments and smaller pots, we can brace for impact by doing what we can for ourselves and others. It helps to have a firm foundation - a bedrock of beliefs and values to remind ourselves that we matter and this too will pass. That is the eye of the storm. A place of solace and strength amidst it all.

There was great sunshine the day after, as if nature was compensating for the terror that it had inflicted on all and sundry the day before. I looked into my garden from my bedroom window.

The two towering trees were almost skeletal. The grass was littered with red and brown leaves which would make a neat pile for me to jump in. There was no necessity to deadhead the dahlias and mini roses because the winds had stripped the bushes bare.

I smiled when I saw that the greenhouse was still intact.

When I opened the door to embrace the new day, many neighbours had the same idea, united by the feeling that we were the survivors of the Apocalypse.

‘Hi John, Hi Pat, Hi Anthony’ I greeted them.

‘Hi Soo’, they replied in unison.

‘Terrible storm yesterday’, I said.

‘Tis ya’, they said and rolled their eyes.

Thank God it’s over.

THIS ARTICLE WAS ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED IN THE NEW STRAITS TIMES MALAYSIA ON 5 NOVEMBER 2017.  http://digital.nstp.com.my/nst/books/nstnews/2017/20171105nstnews/index.html#/19/

THE POWER OF LIMINALITY

I’m constantly surrounded by people who feel comfortable belonging to one trade or one hobby or one organisation. It certainly seems more advantageous to specialise in something  than to be a generalist.

I think I’m more of a generalist than a specialist. After exploring one skill or one hobby, I like to move on to learn other things, more so things that are entirely out of my comfort zone. That is why I’m very comfortable with Marianne Cantwell’s concept of liminality in her TED talk on The Hidden Power of Not (Always) Fitting In

Liminality is a state of in-between-ess.  

It is not being good at only one thing but being good at many things. You don’t fit into just one world or one group of people to the exclusion of others. You create your own space and bridge worlds by not limiting yourself to any one world.

Liminality is all about being comfortable in your own skin.

You are not restricted by what others think about you or what others expect of you. This gives you the freedom to be who you are and to be good at whatever you set your mind on doing. Most of all you have no fear of what people are saying to your face or behind your back. You have no fear of going to new places or trying out new things without needing to justify what you intend to do.

People say I am creative. Others have asked me what is it that I can’t do.

Believe it or not, I don’t realise it myself that I am creative or that I can do many things. I’ve always thought that anyone can be creative and can do many things given the right guidance or encouragement. I still believe so.

I attribute this artistic inclination to the spirit of liminality. It is a quest to pursue the unknown, to learn more, to think and to see things differently and to be part of this and that.

Recently, I chose to be in 3 new worlds.

World 1: Going for a retreat where everyone knows someone in the group and you are quite a stranger to all of them.

When I heard about a 3-day trip to An Grianan in County Louth organised by the Clare Irish Countrywomen’s Association, I was most curious. I had a look at the programme and decided that I should go. Just like that - no ifs, no buts. The duration and the timing of the trip suited me. Most of all I was keen on learning how to make fascinators and there was a full day dedicated to that.

I was not disappointed.  An Grianán, which means Sunny Place in Irish, is a beautiful Edwardian manor house situated on 88 acres of park with mature trees and a gentle path to the nearby sandy beach. I had a lovely en-suite room and hearty meals complete with freshly baked brown bread and yummy desserts.

Did I feel left out not being a member of the guild? Not at all because I was made to feel very welcome by the warm and friendly crowd. I went home very pleased with my new knowledge and my new friends.

World 2: One day I just woke up and told myself I must go and learn horse riding. I’ve always enjoyed going to fairs and watching show-jumping. So I called up the horse riding school and booked myself for beginner’s lessons. I was introduced to Junior, a fine stallion. I learnt how to saddle him, to hold the reins, to manoeuvre  and to trot.  I went home very pleased with my new knowledge and my new friend.

World 3: I have always been fascinated by batik art. So when I was back in Malaysia last month, I did a google search and discovered Sam Karuna Dyetik class which is a fine art batik technique that he pioneered. More than 12,000 students have benefited from Sam's skills and experience through his courses. 

Due to limited time, I could only spend half a day learning the fine art of batik painting under the tutelage of a patient master artist. It was a wonderful experience altogether and I went home happy with enough raw materials to start my foray into this new world.

So what is it about liminality that strikes a chord in me?

It is about hovering between worlds and enjoying them to the fullest.

No apologies.

THIS ARTICLE WAS ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED IN THE NEW STRAITS TIMES MALAYSIA ON 22 OCTOBER 2017. 

https://www.nst.com.my/opinion/columnists/2017/10/293564/power-liminality

A GUIDE TO HELP US IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION?

It's very strange but I notice things that others don’t.  I’m not talking about apparitions and other worldly beings but rather about everyday mundane things.

For example, whenever I pass a field with cows I notice that the majority of the cows would be facing a north or south direction when they are feeding and only a few will be facing somewhere else. I’ve asked around and no one seems to notice that or know the reason why.  I know that if I were a cow, I would certainly be facing somewhere else, rather than the regular direction.

But what makes these cows head a certain direction?

Many reasons have been given : herd mentality, preparation for flight in the event of an attack from a predator and maybe the grass is greener on the other side of the field.

Anyway there is a documentary that gives a highly probable reason. According to the documentary, this phenomenon is caused by the forces of magnetism. Cows seemingly sense the Earth's magnetic field and align themselves to either the north or south when grazing or resting.

German researchers made use of Google Earth images and looked down on over 8,000 cattle around the world. The researchers combined field observations with the satellite data and discovered that herds of both deer and cattle tend to align themselves with the north-south direction, regardless of the wind or the position of the sun. This is called magneto reception. The theory goes that if a herd of cattle is standing under some transmission wires, then the cattle will face every which way because the transmission wires interfere with the fields of magnetism.

"It is amazing that this ubiquitous conspicuous phenomenon apparently has remained unnoticed by herdsmen and hunters for thousands of years," write Sabine Begall, of the University of Duisberg-Essen in Germany, and colleagues in Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences^.

It is not only cows but other animals that portray similar behaviour as well. Migratory birds use magnetic compass information  Baby turtles know how to head towards the sea the moment they emerge from their shells. I read about an incident where some concerned nature lovers put wire mesh over the turtle eggs to protect the eggs from seagulls.  When the eggs were hatched, the hatchlings were disoriented and did not know how to make it to the sea. Apparently, the wire mesh interfered with the field of magnetism.

I wonder whether humans can sense magnetic fields.

The present day consensus is that we don’t. I am tempted to think that those who have a higher spatial intelligence have this ability. These are the people who have no trouble remembering routes or getting out of the woods while many of us lose much valuable time running in circles.

I think it would be grand to have some sort of an inner compass – to point us to the right direction or decision - then life would be very simple. There are no doubts and no mistakes. We will be simply doing the ‘right’ thing.

The phrase ‘follow your heart’ could be like some sort of an inner compass. But experience has proven that following the heart is not full proof. Mistakes abound when the heart is involved and when reason is thrown out of the window.

And what about following one’s gut feelings or intuition?

For me, this is quite an accurate compass.  There’s a classic called ‘A woman’s intuition’ by the Wilburn brothers. The chorus goes like this: It’s a woman’s intuition that rouses her suspicion/ And you never know what goes on in her mind/It’s a woman’s intuition that tells her something’s missing/You can bet that she’ll be right most every time.

The long and short of it, humans just have to plough on. For the lack of magneto reception skills, we depend on many things: experience, success, failure, happiness, sorrow……and the list goes on to help us navigate through life.

One thing I know is that as we get older we become more affirmative. We know who we are and what we want and don’t want. The difference between youth and seniority is that we are no longer unsure and afraid to stand our ground. We have found our voice and we do not need to be people pleasers.

If only navigation through life is as simple as heading either north or south.

But then again it will not be half as interesting or challenging when compared to what tomorrow will bring.

THIS ARTICLE WAS ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED IN THE NEW STRAITS TIMES MALAYSIA 23.4.2017   http://www.nst.com.my/opinion/columnist/2017/04/233121/guide-help-us-right-direction

NO WINNERS IN PLAYING THE BLAME GAME

I was having my favourite cuppa in a delightful little cafe, alfresco, on a beautiful 

sunny day. 

A rare thing indeed to feel the heat, and it would be a great crime if such fine weather

is not experienced in its fullest, outdoors.

Some people read while having the cuppa. Others fiddle with their phones or whatever 

gadgets they have.

I prefer to watch and learn.

Across the table sat a young mother and a restless child running here and there except 

sitting at the table where he should be.

She was coaxing him to have his orange juice and the fine breakfast on the table. 

She was piling on him a shower of terms of endearment - honey, my little man, 
darling, sweetie....Every possible term except a cross word.

With all the ditsy fleeting from table to table, the inevitable happened. He banged

headfirst into  a table corner.

All pandemonium broke lose. He bawled his eyes out and the mother swooped over him

like an eagle and tried to kiss away his tears.

Then she took him by the hand and led him to the offensive table. Vehemently, she

started beating the table and said, 'bad table, bad table' as if her golden child 

could do no wrong.  Immediately the boy was satisfied and the tears stopped. 

Completely bemused, I did not know whether to laugh or cry.

There were many laughable things I had done as a young mother once but blame 

shifting was definitely not one of them.

What was she teaching her child?

That it was alright to be careless? That unruly behaviour was acceptable in public? 

Or did she just want a quick fix to maintain order and quiet?

It is strange but when we are caught doing something unacceptable, we blame 

someone else, never ourselves.

Wasn't it Adam who blamed Eve for sharing with him the forbidden fruit?

When people in office resign when a misdeed has been exposed, there is a certain

level of accountability there.

Bob Marley said, emancipate ourselves from mental slavery. No one but ourselves

 can free our minds.

Learning to accept consequences is a great step towards freeing our minds. Being

accountable for what we do helps shape intentions and execution of plans.

I  used to watch Sesame Street with my children. There is this clip whereby a little

girl contemplates popping a balloon with a pin near her baby brother who is sleeping.

Then she rationalises that the noise would wake her brother up and his fit of crying would make her mum angry with her. Then she would be sent to bed and she would

miss eating the cookies in the oven.

She then puts the balloon down and says ' who wants to pop this nice balloon 

anyway'.

People are generally careless and inconsiderate. To find someone who is mindful 

and kind is such a rarity.

This is not to be confused with the concept of mindfulness which has become a present 

day buzzword, and if you are not focussing on your inhaling and exhaling, then you are 

certainly missing out on the greatest discovery on earth.

So, if children are not taught from young to be accountable for their deeds, it is not 

surprising that we are constantly surrounded by adults who bask in their own glory and 

blame others when things go belly up.

It is a sad generation that thinks they can do no wrong and that the world owes them a

living.

THIS ARTICLE WAS ORIGINALLY PRINTED IN THE NEW STRAITS TIMES
MALAYSIA, 4 SEPTEMBER 2016
http://www.nst.com.my/news/2016/09/170619/no-winners-playing-blame-game

A CHAIR BY ANY OTHER NAME WOULD MAKE A GREAT SEAT

I've never tried my hand at carpentry so I took a brave step in getting away to 

Slieve Aughty Centre, an ecofriendly resort for a weekend in the hills to learn how to

make a Sugan chair from the expert. I know, I should have settled for making something 

small like a chopping board instead of something that requires massive strength and expertise.

Sean Walshe the master craftsman was at hand to teach us this ancient and beautiful art. 

A younger Jeremy Irons look-alike, Sean patiently guided and helped us 5 ladies to choose 

the logs and make the chairs from scratch. He has great experience of traditional furniture

construction based upon a knowledge of native hardwood trees combined with the use 

of traditional hand tools.

So while others took to drilling and hammering with much ease, I was pushed to my 

physical limits and even fell backwards once when the force exerted was too great and 

I lost my balance. The heaviest thing that I had ever carried before the foray into logs 

was a watering can full of water. I prided myself as one who wielded more power with

 the pen then with the axe.

Due to their bespoke nature, Sugan chairs are made of green native timber, ash and 

hazel with 'mortice  and tenon' joints. This archaic chair has a seat made of woven sisal 

rope or twisted hay. Sugan is the gaelic word for straw .

The chair is found in most rural traditional homes and they come in different sizes and

styles. Some have arms so that farmers could rest their arms after a hard day's work 

at harvesting potatoes or cutting turf. Others have no arms so that more children can 

squeeze round the dinner table. In fact in the old days when the story teller (Seannachoi)

called, he would have the prized seat. He would sit comfortably, telling stories to the old 

and young. Such was the simple entertainment of the day.

I am not a chair person as I'm rather a bed person. A good bed is absolutely essential for

a good night's rest. However, interestingly enough a chair symbolises a great many thing.

There's the seat of knowledge and the seat of power. It is the throne that the king sits and

it is also the place where the condemned prisoner finds himself before being electrocuted.

The distance between chairs can denote either intimacy or estrangement.

The Broken Chair, sculpted by Swiss artist Daniel Berset is one. Originally erected on 

August 18, 1997, Paul Vermeulen, director of the non-governmental organisation 

'Handicap International' in  Geneva, saw it fit to use the broken chair as a strong symbol 

for the Mine Ban Treaty.

Another example is Vincent Van Gogh's painting of a chair and a pipe to illustrate simplicity

and separation from the world.

Empty chairs signify loss.

The seventy bronze chairs scattered around Plac Bohaterow Getta which used to be 

Plac Zgody in Krakow, Poland represent the pain and absence of the day as the ghetto in

Krakow was cleared and all the people's possessions were strewn across the streets. It is also 

known as the Ghetto Heroes Square. Each steel chair represents 1000 victims.

Even in the musical  Les Miserables, we have the iconic scene of empty chairs and 

empty tables where revolutionaries paid the price of freedom with their lives.

So,what is the price of a personalised chair?

I love a good challenge and I am one of those who believe that when you stretch yourself 

outside your comfort zone, you learn something. 

And what a stretch it was - with muscle ache in all directions, I carried home a beautifully

hand crafted Sugan chair.

THIS ARTICLE WAS ORIGINALLY PRINTED IN THE NEW STRAITS TIMES MALAYSIA 7 AUGUST 2016
http://digital.nstp.com.my/nst/books/160807nstnews/index.html#/23/

MAKING MEMORIES KEEPS COUPLES CLOSE

I treasure life and each day that I can wake up healthy and surrounded by beautiful things is
something very awesome to me.

I am what John Maxwell, the motivational speaker says - a lid lifter. 

The image is a jar with a lid. How many memories your jar can hold depends on when you cover it and say that's as far as I will go. That's enough for me. For some it may be a reluctance to go
beyond the comfort zone or to try out new things.

I wasn't born a lid lifter. I evolved into one and am still evolving. Lifting the lid makes one vulnerable.

There is a risk but I will not exchange new memories and the lessons that come with them for 
anything in the world. When you lift the lid, you gain insight and become a nicer person to live with 
or be with.

In fact the little or the big things that we do together -  such as going for movies, picnics and
travelling form memories. But this is not limited to just us. It is also doing things together
with others like coffee chats, dining with friends, having friends over for dinner or enjoying outings 
with friends. The friends that we make all add up to our memory bank.

It's lovely to watch people who have just fallen in love. They  want to be together and do things 
together. It is the excitement of being in each others presence and in the presence of others as a
unit. Granted that one may go solo especially in specialised hobbies  like golfing, deep sea diving
or rock climbing.

But with time, togetherness may become a chore. It becomes an obligation, no longer a desire. It
becomes 'I'll do it ' just to avoid disagreement.

One spouse says that he has to bend backwards every time the significant other suggests an
activity. He says he's been working the whole day and has no intention of socialising.  He says it is
just not in his character to do the stuff that she likes.

She says the baby has driven her up the wall for hours and all she needs now is a good night's
sleep. She is so busy juggling so many roles that going to the gym is hard work and why dress
up when slacks and baggy clothes are surely more comfortable?

So he goes to a pub and talks about insignificant things and looks at the overhead TV together
with the others. I say 'look' because I doubt whether they are actually following anything that is 
being aired, unless of course it is football. The TV is easy company because it doesn't demand anything. The pub is perfectly convenient to enter or leave.

Now the home is different because you are dealing with real lives and real people who are
usually related in some way or another.

So we see married people living separate lives. They meet different people and pursue different
interests because the significant other is no longer making any more effort. 

When couples stop sharing their lives and making memories together, communication ends. 
Some call it married singles.

ABBA's opening lines in the song  One man One woman seems to capture what I've been trying to say in the last few paragraphs.

'No smiles, not a single word at the breakfast table...
Though I would have liked to begin
So much that I wanna say, but I feel unable...'

This scenario is a perfect setting for the entry of a third person. Suddenly there is someone else 
who shares your interests or so you think. But of course being devoid of togetherness for sometime
now, youenjoy the sudden attention.

It is no wonder that scams are rife. You often wonder how sensible people can be conned by empty
but sweet promises

Alas, the pain of loneliness is immense and the lack of deep communication takes its toll

What happened to making and sharing memories?

What happened to those days when you would do things together just because?

Lois Lowry in The Giver says, The worst part of holding the memory is not the pain. It's 

the loneliness of it. Memories need to be shared. 

We need to lift the lids.

THIS ARTICLE WAS ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED IN THE NEW STRAITS TIMES 24 JULY 2016 http://digital.nstp.com.my/nst/books/160724nstnews/index.html#/23/