GIVING THANKS IN EVERY SITUATION

I had a bad fall that left me in crutches for a while. I expected to heal quickly but alas, it wasn’t meant to be. Many who have gone down that road would know exactly what I am talking about - days of swelling, pain, misery and most of all inconvenience.

Even though my friends have nicknamed me Pollyanna, there was this anxiety gnarling within me as to when I could walk unaided and I had to unhappily cross out all the events that I had already signed up for and cancel all the appointments that I had made

I fell on a Tuesday, two days before my birthday.

My friends had gone to great lengths to organise a surprise birthday party for me. They had bought the ingredients, the decorations and even ordered the cake. The theme was Caribbean and I could well imagine how much fun that would be. Sadly, it had to be cancelled.

Learning how to use crutches was a new ball game altogether. I learnt how to negotiate the stairs on my derriere just as a baby would. The first time I reached the top of the stairs, I just burst into tears. The whole experience was overwhelming.

Michael doubled up as a male nurse and received in-house training. After a while takeaways become boring and I longed for home cooked food. Seeing him look for ingredients in the larder (while I gave instructions from the couch) was pretty amusing. Being totally dependent on another for simple tasks was absolutely frustrating.

There were some things that I needed from certain parts of the house that were inaccessible for someone on crutches, so I had to give exact locations as to where the stuff was kept or hidden. I was astounded by my own memory power.

My children, sister and friends called or wrote regularly to check on me. I used to be the one visiting friends who were too ill to get out of bed and it was strange to play a reverse role.

Reading was my constant companion. I devoured every interesting piece of literary treasure and emerged with a head full of facts as well as trivial stuff.

I learnt compassion. I've seen how poorly some family members and hospital staff treat elderly patients. I can well imagine  how they must have felt when these carers grumbled beneath their breath or shouted at them. They did not ask to be old or sick.

I learnt patience especially when dealing with people who are not physically fit. I remember the times when I was in a rush and right in my path would be an old lady with her Zimmer frame and I just wished she could quickly progress on. Not any more.

I learnt how to settle for less.  I had just planted out seedlings in the cold frame before I fell. Those who love gardening would know that every stage is important and a good harvest depends on that.  I could see the garden from the window but I couldn't go out. I imagined the plants dying, one by one.

I learnt to see things from a different perspective. Bruises looked like a painting on canvas with colours changing with time - from red to purple to a sickly yellow. Taking a break from crutches, I would be on all fours. I saw grit and dust from a different level altogether.

Most of all when I went on a trip to Petra and beyond, even with the wheelchair and crutches in most places, I found that people were very kind. I had signed up a few months earlier for a very memorable trip and I wasn’t going to throw in the towel as yet. To my surprise, I was fussed over and received privileges that I had never dreamt of, like being the first in line at the immigration counter. I even had an airport staff retrieve my luggage at the carousel.

In every situation, give thanks.

This article was originally printed in The New Straits Times Malaysia, 12 June 2016

http://www.nst.com.my/news/2016/06/151345/giving-thanks-every-situation

REFLECTION IS A BEAUTIFUL THING

The act of reflecting is one of my favourite past times these days. The term "reflection" is derived from the Latin term reflectere -- meaning "to bend back." Reflecting is not a touchy – feely condition but serves more as the bridge between experiences and learning.

Reflecting about what I do with my life is one of them. I have found myself a routine that I am comfortable with and a set of friends who bring joy. I am continually developing the talents that I have and sharing them with others.

I was at a conference recently and one of the speakers asked ‘If money were not a problem, what would you like to do with your life?’

We were all supposed to come up with an answer in a minute. Some would like to stop working immediately and pursue their hobbies, buy a yacht, build a mansion or go on a world tour. In short, to live a life that is very different from the present. Such is what dreams are made of.

I thought about it. My answer was: I wouldn’t change a thing.

Then I went home and thought about it again.

Surprisingly, my answer was still the same. I wouldn’t change a thing.

Reflecting about what I do with my roles is also another area that I constantly explore. My private roles as a wife and mother take precedence over my public roles.

Being a mother generates the image of a very long journey – sometimes there are signposts, sometimes there are none. Florida Scott-Maxwell says, no matter how old a mother is, she watches her middle-aged children for signs of improvement.

In Ireland, Mother’s Day is celebrated on the fourth Sunday of Lent, so this year it was celebrated on March 6. But in Malaysia, next Sunday will be a significant day for all mothers.

I received a pocket book of anecdotes from my daughter, aptly entitled, ‘Keep Calm for Mums’ that I find most interesting.

Most mothers are well aware that there comes a time when your children don't think you are very smart anymore.

They may tease you about texting with one thumb or get impatient when they have to explain to you how to download music into your iPod. (again). They roll their eyes when you do not say things that are politically correct or feel mortified when you enjoy sharks fin soup while the rest of the world campaigns for animal rights. They are surprised when you actually know who Kafka is or even had a combo microwave oven once. The type that could bake cakes with a nice brown top.

They think you are myopic in matters of the heart and exclusive relationships. They think you are old-fashion and your values are archaic. In fact you could very well be the dinosaurs that didn’t quite make it into Noah’s Ark. Indeed Peter De Vries, the American novelist knew exactly what it was like when he said that ‘there are times when parenthood seems nothing but feeding the mouth that bites you.’

Actually, that is nothing new under the sun. There was once when I felt that I knew more than my mother and was irritated when her perception of life did not quite match the philosophical thoughts that I had acquired at university. But now upon looking back, just like how Abraham Lincoln felt, all that I am or ever hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.

Recently, my son who is an avid photographer sent me 2 pictures of Irish monuments that he had shot but forgotten what they were. I told him that they are Glenstal Abbey in County Limerick and Waiting on Shore Monument at Rosses Point, County Sligo. Then he sent me 3 photos of flowers and asked me for their names. (Apparently, mothers are supposed to know everything, including monuments and flowers.) As I have either planted them or seen them in my walks, I told him that they are the red lizard tulip, the azalea aikoku and the peony rose. I also double checked with the internet just to make sure that I had identified them correctly.

His response took me by surprise.

‘Mum, you are so smart’, he texted back.

Reflection is a beautiful thing

 This article was originally printed in the NEW STRAITS TIMES MALAYSIA http://digital.nstp.com.my/nst/books/160501nstnews/index.html#/23/

DON'T WORRY, IT WON'T HAPPEN

On September 16, 1909, W.B. Yeats wrote in his journal, ‘When I think of all the books I have read, wise words heard, anxieties given to parents, ... of hopes I have had, all life weighed in the balance of my own life seems to me a preparation for something that never happens.’

That singular journal entry has been quoted many times over and nothing much has changed and we are left in a quandary. Well, in most cases things do happen as expected but then again you have the occasional instance where you spend a lot of time worrying about something that never materialises in the end. Worse still if you have spent much money preparing for it.

I had the opportunity to visit the Hospital in the Rock in Budapest and this is one classic example of human wisdom or folly depending on how you wish to see it.

This is a hospital created in the caverns under the Buda Castle in the 1930s, in anticipation of the Second World War. It is part of an approximately 10 km stretch of interconnected caves and cellars.

The hospital was used during the 1944- 45 siege of Budapest. Many of the wounded were treated here and the dead were carried out at night and buried in bomb craters. The next instance where the hospital was used once more, was in 1956 in response to the uprising against Soviet rule.

                    

However, it was also built as a top secret military hospital and nuclear bunker. Between 1958 and 1962, it was expanded to withstand nuclear fallout during the Cold War.

As a nuclear bunker, it must  cope with the under pressure that lasts for several seconds after the shock waves, and block radiation. The bunker must also accommodate equipment for air conditioning and heating, water supply and storage, generators, and also many types of radio and telecommunications equipment.

Imagine the amount of money spent on the project and the number of man hours involved in planning and building it? It was never used for this purpose.

Experts agree that  85% of what we worry about never happens. But then again, common sense tells us it is better safe than sorry. We do not want to be caught unprepared and neither do we want to be left looking foolish.

Another more recent phenomenon occurred around the time when we entered the new millennium. There was a lot of fear then that there would be major life changes with the interruption of essential supplies.

They called it the Y2K. We were afraid to lose everything as the clock struck midnight entering day one of the new millennium. We were afraid that computers would shut down and all forms of energy supply would be disrupted.

So we were all encouraged to buy ‘survival kits’ that comprised of cream crackers, instant noodles, water purifier tablets, toiletries and a whole host of other things. Some families bought boxes of such kits as they braced themselves for the worst. These

were usually families with young children and I knew of one family that bought 400 boxes. I didn’t buy any and just waited to see the outcome. I wasn’t particularly fond of cream crackers and instant noodles anyway.

Well, nothing that was feared happened, further proving that hindsight is 20/20 vision.

The crackers and noodles had a shelf life and thus were donated to orphanages. I suspect many just dumped the water purifier tablets.

A random search about the future on the web will result in bad news and more bad news. From monetary market collapse to WW3. Strategies to counter the effects of hard times range from ensuring that one’s financial affairs are in order to developing a survivalist mindset.

The question is how far should we plan for the unknown or the unexpected?

Indeed, we need the wisdom of Solomon to answer this.

This article was originally printed in the NEW STRAITS TIMES MALAYSIA http://digital.nstp.com.my/nst/books/160417nstnews/index.html#/23/

LESSONS FROM IRELAND'S 1916 EASTER REBELLION

Exactly 100 years ago the streets of Dublin and skirmishes in counties Meath, Louth, Galway and Wexford saw  much turmoil and bloodshed during an armed insurrection, mounted by Irish republicans to end British rule in Ireland and establish an independent Irish Republic.

Every year at Easter, this event is remembered. All the more at Easter 2016 – the year which marked the centenary of the defining moments of the struggle for independence.

There was a military parade, including an Aer Corps flypast and a 21-gun salute. There were  synchronised wreath-laying ceremonies at strategic points around Dublin, starting with Dublin Castle. In addition, there was a ceremony for all those who have died during the events of 1916 in the Garden of Remembrance. There was also a state event for the relatives of those who took part in the Rising and the official opening of the Easter Rising Centenary Visitor Facility at the General Post Office (GPO) – an iconic building that served as the rebel headquarters during the Rising.

Internationally, centenary events also took place in 100 countries, including one at the John F Kennedy Center for the Performing Arts, in Washington, DC, and one in Nigeria based on Roger Casement’s development-aid work.

I am not a historian but because of a natural interest in the affairs of the land, I have been collecting reprints of first hand accounts of the 1916 Easter Rising. These took the form of memorabilia or newspapers from Northern Ireland, the Republic of Ireland and the United States.

It was interesting to note that the very same event was interpreted differently by the different publishing houses. Their perspectives were very much coloured by where their sympathies lay.

The Easter Rising of 1916 is now widely regarded with pride. Patrick Henry Pearse was seen as the embodiment of the rebellion, and he was executed alongside 15 other leaders.

Those who were executed were venerated by many as martyrs; their graves in Dublin's former military prison of Arbour Hill became a national monument and the Proclamation text was taught in schools. 

This insurrection also provided fodder for great literary works, some of which are  O’Connell Street" and "Lament for the Poets of 1916" by Francis Ledwidge, ‘The Plough and the Stars’, a play by Sean O’Casey, and ‘Insurrection’ by Liam O’Flaherty.

Although the flame of Irish nationalism had begun to burn, some questions remain:

Was it justified as fighting for freedom or a futile battle? Who were the heroes and who were the villains? Could the 1250 insurgents in Dublin fight the 16000 troops and 1000 armed police in Dublin? Did the countless civilians have to die for an insurrection that they were not part of? Was it idealism at its best or a gross act of miscalculation?

Looking back, it feels surreal that people, male and female, from all walks of life would give up their lives for the greater good.

I wonder in this 21^st century how many of us will actually do that. And even if the young people had wanted to involve themselves in the fight for liberty, equality and fraternity, would their parents have allowed them? Or would they say – get your degree, get a job and put these idealistic notions out of your head!

I wonder too whether present day netizens would subscribe to a larger cause, rather than spend copious amounts of time taking selfies and checking feeds on facebook.

I wonder too, how those who fought in 1916 would judge us and our society today.

 This article was originally printed in the NEW STRAITS TIMES MALAYSIA 3 APRIL 2016        http://digital.nstp.com.my/nst/books/160403nstnews/index.html#/23/

STARTING LIFE ALL OVER AGAIN

I was trying to order some rail tickets online and there was some glitch in the payment section. This meant that I had to start all over again many times and the word frustration took a new meaning altogether. Every time I keyed in the details, I made more mistakes as the brain became more tired and fuddled.  After the sixth attempt, I decided to give the company a call and the problem was arrested.

Starting all over is a journey of strength and resilience.

Hall and Oates in the song ‘Starting all over again’ profess that this is an uphill climb to the finish line. In the movie, Phoenix, a disfigured World War II survivor had her face reconstructed so she could begin a new life.

I was in Warsaw recently and  I would never have suspected that more than 85% of the city’s historic centre was destroyed by Nazi troops during the Warsaw Uprising in August 1944. In fact the market square in Old Town is a complete reconstruction.

Its citizens got together and after the war, they started a five-year reconstruction campaign which resulted in the magnificent restoration of the Old town with all its iconic buildings. The citizens laid brick upon brick on a virtual sea of ruins.

I am sure that there was much opposition to the reconstruction. After all, wouldn’t it have been easier just to leave the city as a war memorial and move on to make another city the capital?

But the indomitable spirit of determination reigned strong.

It was the incredible hearts and souls that drove the whole nation, the pouring in of donations and workers from all over Poland and of course with much volunteer work. Apparently bricks from neighbouring cities like Wroclaw/Breslau were used for the rebuilding as well.

Constant knocking down eventually gets to us and affects our personalities and we are shattered literally. To reconstruct is to pick up the pieces and make something new and better. Like a jigsaw, all the pieces can come together to give a complete picture.

I have been having fun with mosaic glass, assembling small pieces of coloured glass, tiles, stones or other materials to create beautiful images. It is laborious work which involves the selection of the pieces and mounting them on a board or glass surface before finally fusing them together with grout which can be sticky and mucky. What begins as a humble sketch often ends in a spectacular display piece.  In the process of picking up the glass pieces or shards, accidents do happen.

Reconstruction of our lives is just like that.

The pieces may cut us but we select those that we need to rebuild our lives and move on.  Never mind the naysayers and gloomsayers– people who are negative about whatever we attempt to do.

Now is as good a time as any to reflect and see what we want to do with our lives. We have 12 months ahead of  us which can be filled with great endeavours. My 2016 planner is already getting filled up!

I often have people come up to me to ask whether I miss teaching. My answer is always the same. I am content where I am, a different phase, a different season. I may not be formally teaching in a university but I am teaching all the same – teaching myself and others around me and more importantly, learning, which is key to everything. Ronald E. Osborne says “ Unless you do something beyond what you’ve already mastered, you will never grow.”

Broken pieces can be fixed. Only if we want to.

This article was originally printed in the NEW STRAITS TIMES MALAYSIA 17 JAN 2016
http://digital.nstp.com.my/nst/books/160117nstnews/index.html#/23/                                          

THAT LEAP OF FAITH WILL DO WONDERS

I have not been to the South Pole but I have been to the South Pole Inn twice. This is a cosy pub in Annascaul in the Dingle Peninsula in County Kerry and it lives to tell the story of how a local man, Tom Crean , took part in three Antartic expeditions in the first two decades of the twentieth century. There is an artistic display of his life achievements on the ceiling which is worth craning the neck for.

This is an example of taking the leap. It is to go for something at all costs.  It calls for dogged determination and resolve that not many will dare venture because of self imposed limitations.

Tony Evans, a writer who visited South Africa observes that the impala is a fast runner and is known for its leaping ability, reaching heights up to 3 metres but can still be contained in a zoo enclosure with a metre high wall. The impala does not jump because it cannot see where it will land. The impala remains trapped in its self-imposed limitations.

In contrast , Stoffel the honey badger will stop at nothing to escape his enclosure at Moholoholo Rehab Centre in South Africa. It is amazing how this escape artist can make use of almost anything to try to get out of its man made enclosure.

Times have changed and the worst thing is to be caught in the middle.

It is like being caught in the tectonic shift and there is nothing you can do about it. As an illustration, the earth’s crust, called the lithosphere, consists of 15 to 20 moving tectonic plates. The plates are like pieces of a cracked shell that rest on the hot, molten rock of Earth’s mantle and fit snugly against one another. The heat from radioactive processes within the planet’s interior causes the plates to move, sometimes toward and sometimes away from each other. We can’t really see this happening but it is happening.

I have lived in the non-computer era and now have just enough computer knowledge to get by but not as techno savvy as the little boy next door.

I salute senior citizens who sign up for computer and digital photography classes. It is simply amazing to hear that these people also skype their children or grandchildren  living in the other side of the world and make use of instagram and hashtags even. Having said that there are many who refuse to learn anything new and prefer to stick to what they are comfortable with.

                                                                                          

Even the job market scene has changed. Many people in my generation would have held on to one job for most of our lives. We call that loyalty to the firm or just being content with our lot. Now, we hear of head hunters who identify potential workers  even when they are still in the university. There are also enterprising students who seek out contacts and internship  experience way before they graduate. The procedure of writing out the resume and waiting for the interview seems rather outdated these days. It is not surprising too that job change is rather frequent especially with the promise of better pay or benefits.

Adjusting to change is never easy. Taking the leap to do something different is even harder. Is there something that we have always longed for but have never tried? Are we waiting for the opportunity or are we creating the opportunity?

It is strange but are we hardwired to be negative rather than positive? According to psychologists like Roy F. Baumister, Ellen Tratslavsky, Kathleen Vohs, and Catrin Finkenauer.,  negative experiences or the fear of them have a greater impact on people than positive ones.   A study by John Cacioppo and his colleagues showed that our attitudes are more heavily influenced by bad news than good news.

So, we can either be the impala or the honey badger. The greatest fear is to step out. But once we have done so and are happy with our choice, then we wonder why we never did it much earlier.

This article was originally printed in the NEW STRAITS TIMES MALAYSIA, 6 DECEMBER 2015,      http://digital.nstp.com.my/nst/books/151206nstnews/index.html#/23/

CREATING PATTERNS OF THOUGHT, SOLVING PROBLEMS

I was watching a starling murmuration over the River Shannon and believe me, it was a spectacular sight to behold. Thousands of starlings flocking in unison and creating patterns in the sky beats any air show that I have seen.

The uncanny coordination of these murmurations remains a mystery. You will need the wisdom of Solomon to understand how these birds, separated by hundreds of feet, synchronise their movements with such precision and dexterity.  

I can see parallels between a murmuration and the way we can choose to think.  A murmuration is a conscious act. It is a pattern by design.

We too can be in control of our thoughts and create our own design patterns through divergent thinking, and embracing learning possibilities and alternative perceptions.

Rudy A. Magnant in his book  ‘Discover Design Pattern Thinking: Applying New Design Techniques to Improve our Mental Operacy’  talks about divergent versus convergent thinking

Divergent thinking is the process of creating many unique solutions in order to solve a problem while convergent thinking is systematic and logical.  For example if a person moves to another town or country, and does not yet have friends, the tendency is to  keep to herself  and stay close to her old acquaintances. There is a typical passivity and a lack of cultural mingling and she prefers to stick to the same old, same old. But if she decides to make good friends against all odds, then she has taken the first step of divergent thinking.

Albert Einstein cleverly said that when a human being makes his thoughts and feelings as something separated from the rest, that is a kind or political delusion of his consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison that restricts the person to his personal desires and to feel affection for a few people dearest to him.  His task must be to free himself by widening his circle of compassion to enhance all living creatures and the whole of nature in its bounty.

Embracing learning possibilities is the ability to think and make sense of the world in which we live. This requires an active mind that should be constantly searching for knowledge. If we purpose to open the mind to endless possibilities, then only can we see our own shortcomings and be willing to change.

A little knowledge is a dangerous thing and Mark Twain said we should never argue with a fool, as onlookers may not be able to tell the difference. I have often found myself  the company of people (by necessity rather than by choice) who talk much about nothing.

Alternative perceptions help us become more proactive instead of reactive in responding to life’s challenges.

It is not unusual that two people listening to the same message may interpret it differently. This is because of our mental, psychological and cultural filters. We all have filters that stem from insecurity, fear, pride, desires or expectations. When a filter becomes negatively over-powering, it becomes a barrier and we then interpret what we hear according to what we think we hear.

I like solving puzzles and one of them is optical illusions. They tell us about our visual perception and its limitations. Optical illusions are often described as visual images that differ from reality – we perceive something differently than it actually exists, so that what we see does not correspond to physical reality. There is one classic picture of a beautiful lady or an evil looking old woman, depending on how we wish to perceive it.

When we interact with others, instead of reacting to perceived or actual unpleasantries, we can choose to be proactive instead. Whether the hurtful actions or words have any impact on us depends on how we respond to them.

For starlings, birds of prey will certainly find it difficult to break up a flock that is flying harmoniously together. Likewise, we can create our own design patterns for our thoughts and not allow predators to ruin our day.

THIS ARTICLE WAS ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED IN THE NEW STRAITS TIMES, MALAYSIA - 8 NOVEMBER 2015. - http://digital.nstp.com.my/nst/books/151108nstnews/index.html#/23/

FEAR IS LIKE THE MARAUDING VIKING

Looking at an actual Viking ship in the Viking Museum in Oslo is perhaps the most awesome experience I’ve experienced this year. Never before had I seen such a magnificent ship up close.

On 8 August 1903, a farmer visited professor Gabriel Gustafson of the University's Collection of National Antiquities in Oslo. The farmer called Knut Rom was from the Lille Oseberg farm in Slagen in Vestfold.  Rom had dug into a large burial mound on his farm and had discovered something spectacular. Thus began a long and demanding work - the excavation itself took less than three months, but it took 21 years to prepare and restore the ship and most of the finds. 

Vikings are among Norway’s most salient cultural icons and the Viking Age (800 – 1050AD)  in Scandinavia saw the height of warfare, trade and exploration. If the bulwarks of the ship could speak, I am sure we would learn so much more of the secrets and intrigues of an ancient world.

But imagine if I were standing by the shore centuries ago and suddenly I saw a fleet of menacing looking ships heading towards me? What would be the overwhelming emotion?

Fear.

With fear came panic, havoc and utter destruction.

We may not be attacked or raided by seafaring looters today, but then again fear comes in many forms and I am not talking about the ghouls and skeletons of the upcoming Halloween.

In  ‘Our 21 day into Minimalism’ Joshua Fields Millburn and Ryan Nicodemus  wrote about the Fear of Loss: Loss of things. Loss of acceptance.  Loss of friends. Loss of love.

If we take a good look at our wardrobe or storeroom or attic or shed, we can see many things that we no longer need. Yet, the irony is that they are just sitting there because we are afraid to give them up. The reasons being: that fashion will return; that spare-part might be needed; that thing doesn’t belong to me so I can’t throw it out.

The loss of acceptance has a strong grip on our conscience and subsequently our actions. A phrase that I hear regularly is ‘What will people say? What will they think?’ Taken positively, we avoid doing reckless things because we want to be accepted. But when we become overly paranoid about what people think about us and our actions, we become slaves to our fear of not being accepted.

We can’t stop people from gossiping. We can’t stop people from spreading lies about us. But we can be in-charge of our own responses. If we let ourselves be upset by malicious gossiping, then we have become the victim.

I have been brought up to decide and be brave and accountable for my life choices. That I have my parents to thank for. One advice that they left me was, ‘Even if the whole town talks about you, if you know you are doing the right thing, then do it. It is your life after all.’

Fear is a choice – we can choose to be afraid and we can choose to live without fear. That is a conscious decision and it comes with practice. Every time something challenging confronts me, then it is time to ask myself: What am I afraid of? What am I afraid to give up?

Then only can I move on to live a meaningful life that I am meant to have.

THIS ARTICLE WAS ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED BY NEW STRAITS TIMES 11 October 2015

http://www.nst.com.my/news/2015/10/fear-marauding-viking

http://digital.nstp.com.my/nst/books/151011nstnews/index.html#/23/

JAM JAR LESSON FOR EVERYONE

With the bountiful harvest of fruit this year, I decided to get together with like minded people to make jam. We all agreed that it had been a ‘berry’ good year. Being an absolute novice, I had to start from basics.

So, the first step was to clean out used jam jars. Every small speck of dirt real or imagined had to be scrubbed clean. The jars were then boiled or put into the microwave oven to totally ‘scorch’ them to perfection.

Suddenly there was a eureka moment for me and the whole process became a jam jar lesson.

I believe most of us carry jam jars with us wherever we go. These are jars stuffed with  loads of good stuff.

For a start, let’s talk about accolades.

Certificates, trophies and awards can be our crown of glory. Like most achievements they have a shelf life. The mistake is to cling on to these forever because they may be rather meaningless in a different situation or phase of life.

I have met countless people who have talked again and again about their past achievements, the countries they have visited and the important people they met along the way.

Having said that, I can recall two people whose certificates did not just remain in a jam jar.

Hunter Doherty ‘Patch’ Adams is an American physican who founded the Gesundheit! Institute in 1971. Every year he leads a group of volunteers from around the world to travel to various countries where they dress as clowns in order to bring cheer into the lives of orphans, patients and people in general.

John Sung (1901- 1944) a brilliant student studied at Ohio Wesleyan University and Ohio State University earned a doctorate in chemistry in five years. When he decided to devote himself to religious vocation, he threw all his academic awards into the sea, only keeping the doctorate diploma for his father. A bit drastic I must say, but that was his way of emptying his jam jar of achievements to fill it with something new.

The next case in point is narrating personal episodes.

I think most of us would be quite happy if there is a law to protect the unwilling listener’s right to privacy from unwanted speech. I had been caught in situations where I just had to listen to talk, talk and talk and I couldn’t get in a word edgeways.

In the Pursuit of Attention, sociologist Charles Derber tells us that the Conversational Narcissists always seek to turn the attention of others to themselves by talking and everyone else pretends to be listening but are actually focussing on what they want to say once they find an opening.

I find it very strange when people (without being asked) start telling others about their travels and showing pictures of their round-the-world trip. There was this person who told me all the details of her faraway exotic trip as if it happened yesterday. Curious, I asked her when it all happened. Without blinking an eye, she said she made the trip ten years ago.

Granted it must have been an earth shattering trip. But I wonder why that trip alone had remained locked in the jar of memories. Why hadn’t she emptied the jar and made more beautiful memories since?

Just as we de-clutter every now and then, it is good to consciously make new and good memories and open the jar lid to let them in. Before we do that, we have to let go some of the old stuff that belonged to another era.

So looking at the jars of fresh strawberry, blackcurrant and gooseberry jam lined up on the larder shelf with their lids wrapped with gingham paper covers and tied with string, I am glad I emptied and cleaned out those jars in the first place.

THIS ARTICLE WAS ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED BY NEW STRAITS TIMES- 13 SEPTEMBER 2015

http://www.nst.com.my/news/2015/09/jam-jar-lesson-everyone

http://digital.nstp.com.my/nst/books/150913nstnews/index.html#/23/