TAKING TIME TO BE SILENT

I was unusually silent for a number of days and that was terribly inconvenient. Well, laryngitis does not discriminate and I was reduced to mousey whispers at best. How true it is that you never miss something until it's gone, in this case, my voice.

To humour myself, I attributed it to the possibility of viruses hidden on the walls of WW II underground tunnels as I had just returned from a historic tour of underground Berlin. I may not be too far wrong as the tour guide did mention that the walls had not been repainted, so think ancient Egyptian tombs that harboured yesteryear's deadly germs.

The beloved who always wanted to live a quiet life said, 'I had a quiet weekend' . The strange thing was, everyone else whispered to me too and that was really funny.

But there is another type of silence that is a conscious act.

I’m talking about entering the Room of Silence (Raum der Stille) in Berlin.  Located on the north side of Brandenburg Gate, this room has been there for 15 years. It offers a place of solace for Berliners and visitors to sit down in silence and relax.

It is a pretty small room where visitors can pick up a symbolic stone and remain quiet for some time. There is a wall hanging by Hungarian artist Ritta Hager on the theme of ‘light penetrating the darkness’. This room resonates the call for tolerance between all nationalities and beliefs.

This reminds me of the necessity to be silent and to reflect. Seemingly, there is scientific evidence that shows that adding 30 minutes of silence to a daily routine can reduce stress.

Silence has become a stranger to most of us. People are uneasy when we are quiet and assume that something is wrong. There are those who talk non-stop, as if they are afraid of being silent during a conversation.

I believe that most of us get out of bed in the morning and almost immediately reach out for our mobile phones and start checking the messages, alerts or calls that were left there while we were sleeping.

We rush to the shower, make a cup of coffee and switch on the ‘noise’ around us – be it the radio or the television. Then we get into our cars and listen to the airplay or our favourite music. When we reach the office, we talk and work or listen to more talk.

If it is not external noise that we deal with, there is also a stream of internal noises in our heads. Our minds start ticking and we start planning or worrying or arguing and justifying with our own thoughts.

Certainly, there is a lot of chatter going on.

Choosing a specific period of the day to be quiet can actually help us to deal with life’s challenges better as we capture the dynamic and dissonance in our hearts and the world that we observe. The adage that we are human beings who have somehow transmogrified into human doings is very true.

It is very strange but when I stand back in silence and reflect, things fall into perspective. I am in control of my emotions and circumstances rather than be controlled by them. I can be centred and still while everything else around me rushes by.

My immediate responses to challenging situations or ugly exchange of words morph into a different level of tolerance and understanding. Somehow the hurt inflicted upon me the night before does not sting as much. Because the rhythm of the body slows down, there is rest.

Close the door, breathe and then spend some precious moments in silence before the chatter.

It is time to power down intentionally. 

It is time to unplug.

This article was originally printed in the NEW STRAITS TIMES MALAYSIA  21 FEBRUARY 2016 http://www.nst.com.my/news/2016/02/128644/taking-time-be-silent

THE RARE ACT OF CHIVALRY

It was on a regular day that my daughter’s car tyre needed to be filled with air. So, on the way back from town, we turned into a petrol kiosk that had an air pump. She removed the valve stem cap, checked the air pressure, stretched the hose around to the closest tyre and inserted the hose into the valve.

It was then that I heard someone holler at us.

I looked up and there was a male driver on his way out of the petrol kiosk. He asked, ‘Are you alright? Do you need help?’

I gave him the thumbs up to indicate that everything was fine and he waved and moved on. We were chuffed as that took us by complete surprise. Either we looked ridiculous man-handling an air hose or he belonged to the last batch of those who practise the chivalric code.

The chivalric code, is a code of conduct associated with the medieval institution of knighthood which developed between 1170 and 1220.  This code contains virtues such as mercy, courage, valour, fairness and protection of the weak and the poor. An example of this in the twentieth century is protecting women from harm and helping them when needed.

In this part of the world, there are many who still pull out a chair or hold out the door for me. There are still others who say sorry or excuse me when I am blocking the way. Before I leave the counter after having purchased something, there is always a broad smile, a thank you and a general greeting to have a good day, in a very natural and genuine voice.

When I travelled alone on some of my working trips to parts of Europe and the States, it was always a delight when some random fellow passenger helped me retrieve my cabin luggage. There was no shoving or pushing to try to get out of the plane as quickly as possible.

Imagine the horror when I travel on budget airlines in some countries where some passengers are totally unruly. They let their children run up and down the aisle and it is worse if a clique has boarded the plane together. They will talk loudly and use pungent headache relieving ointment with no consideration for the rest of the passengers. Before you know it they are all rushing to get out before the plane actually lands and the poor stewardess has to constantly plead with them to sit down and put their seat belts on again. I can’t imagine anyone helping me with my luggage during such flights. Both chivalry and good manners are dead here.

Compare this to the sinking of the Titanic where the majority of the survivors were women and children. Research of the incident has shown that many male passengers refused to enter the lifeboats or depart the ship until they knew all women aboard had been brought to safety.

There are some who adhere strongly to the feminist liberation movement and argue that we need no help from the physically stronger men and that we are no damsels in distress. Women can fly planes or mow the lawn if they wanted to.

There are many arguments as to why there is a lack of chivalry these days.

Some contend that this is due to boys being brought up not to respect women enough. Others think it is a result of the post-feminist backlash. According to an article entitled ‘Chivalry is dead and feminism is to blame’ by Martin Daubney in the Telegraph, men have become afraid of helping women lest they appear patronising. The writer gives the example of the fear of offering to help change a tyre and getting a slap for being sexist. Even offering a seat in a bus to a perceived pregnant lady (only to be reprimanded that he is calling her fat ) or to a pensioner (and be accused of making a big deal of her advancing age) can lend a chivalrous man in trouble.

                                     

In most parts of the world, chivalry has a weaker emphasis in today’s modern society than in history. As for me, even if I could be an astronaut and walk on the moon, a little help in time of need is most welcome.

This article was originally printed in the NEW STRAITS TIMES MALAYSIA 14 FEBRUARY 2016
http://www.nst.com.my/news/2016/02/127356/rare-art-chivalry

MEMORIES OF SNACK FOOD FOR THE SOUL

It’s very strange but every time Chinese New Year comes around, I think about food. Yes, like any true Malaysian, I think about food most of the time but during this time, I certainly think about it more.

It is not just craving for what I can eat or what I will eat, but it is usually something that I’ve eaten during my childhood formative years. Call me an old soul but yesteryear’s food and drinks seem to taste so much better than what is served these days at the fast food restaurant.

Maybe it is the nostalgia that comes with it. Somehow, when I attach good memories to the delectable morsels, they automatically become more tasty.

Researchers say that even during a simple associative taste, the brain operates the hippocampus to produce an integrated experience. In other words,  there is a connection between the parts of the brain responsible for taste memory and the parts responsible for processing the memory of the time and location of the sensory experience.

There are some things that I’ve enjoyed as a child that are no longer available, at least not in the way they were packaged. I’m talking about the Fraser and Neave carbonated orange drink that came in glass bottles. I can still buy the drink now but in plastic PET bottles and aluminium cans.

We didn’t have a refrigerator then so my dad would put the bottles in the cement water tub to keep them cool - the same water tub that held the water and the dipper for our showers. Imagine some lovely mosaic design at the bottom of a swimming pool. The bottles lying at the bottom of the tub gave a similar effect – more so because I could drink as much orange as I wanted during the Chinese New Year.  This fizzy drink tasted extremely good with Ngan Yin Hand Brand Peanuts from Menglembu, Perak.

These empty bottles were then returned to the seller for more drinks. To an overactive child’s mind, the glass bottles conjured images of orphans (from Charles Dickens’ novels) who must have cleaned and scrubbed them in work houses under the likes of Mr Bumble. I read the abridged versions of the novels as a child and felt sorry that I could drink the juice while others had to clean the bottles.

There are some biscuits too that conjure a picture of delight.

Iced gem biscuits – small biscuits topped with pink, yellow, green or white hard sugar icing. Originally the biscuit bottoms were made by Huntley and Palmer of Reading, Britain in the 1850s and the icing section was introduced in 1910. Few of us could afford imported biscuits during that era and so we bought the local substitute.

I remember getting them from the Tengku Mariam Primary School tuckshop. They were good value for me because I could get a bag of them for a few sen. Somehow my mother frowned upon them because she said they would give me worms.

I enjoyed the crispy twisted biscuits as well as the bolster-like biscuits, usually given to relatives during weddings. I wonder what they symbolise –they probably represent the new couple’s unity and prosperity.

The interesting thing about food is that each race or clan has its own delicacies. The fun part is that we mix with people from all races and also those who speak different dialects and we learn to enjoy their delicacies as well. 

I speak the Teochew dialect and I miss traditional delicacies like the Png Kueh (rice cake that is shaped like a peach) which is as scarce as hen’s teeth now.  Learning how to make them from recipes over the internet is never quite the same as the ones my parents bought for me from the market.

The best part is every time we return to Malaysia, my friends will bring us round to all these fantastic food joints to savour all that we have missed. That is the beauty of friendship and I cannot be grateful enough for such lovely homecoming treats.

This article was originally printed in the NEW STRAITS TIMES MALAYSIA 7 February 2016           http://www.nst.com.my/news/2016/02/126199/memories-snack-food-soul

  

STARTING LIFE ALL OVER AGAIN

I was trying to order some rail tickets online and there was some glitch in the payment section. This meant that I had to start all over again many times and the word frustration took a new meaning altogether. Every time I keyed in the details, I made more mistakes as the brain became more tired and fuddled.  After the sixth attempt, I decided to give the company a call and the problem was arrested.

Starting all over is a journey of strength and resilience.

Hall and Oates in the song ‘Starting all over again’ profess that this is an uphill climb to the finish line. In the movie, Phoenix, a disfigured World War II survivor had her face reconstructed so she could begin a new life.

I was in Warsaw recently and  I would never have suspected that more than 85% of the city’s historic centre was destroyed by Nazi troops during the Warsaw Uprising in August 1944. In fact the market square in Old Town is a complete reconstruction.

Its citizens got together and after the war, they started a five-year reconstruction campaign which resulted in the magnificent restoration of the Old town with all its iconic buildings. The citizens laid brick upon brick on a virtual sea of ruins.

I am sure that there was much opposition to the reconstruction. After all, wouldn’t it have been easier just to leave the city as a war memorial and move on to make another city the capital?

But the indomitable spirit of determination reigned strong.

It was the incredible hearts and souls that drove the whole nation, the pouring in of donations and workers from all over Poland and of course with much volunteer work. Apparently bricks from neighbouring cities like Wroclaw/Breslau were used for the rebuilding as well.

Constant knocking down eventually gets to us and affects our personalities and we are shattered literally. To reconstruct is to pick up the pieces and make something new and better. Like a jigsaw, all the pieces can come together to give a complete picture.

I have been having fun with mosaic glass, assembling small pieces of coloured glass, tiles, stones or other materials to create beautiful images. It is laborious work which involves the selection of the pieces and mounting them on a board or glass surface before finally fusing them together with grout which can be sticky and mucky. What begins as a humble sketch often ends in a spectacular display piece.  In the process of picking up the glass pieces or shards, accidents do happen.

Reconstruction of our lives is just like that.

The pieces may cut us but we select those that we need to rebuild our lives and move on.  Never mind the naysayers and gloomsayers– people who are negative about whatever we attempt to do.

Now is as good a time as any to reflect and see what we want to do with our lives. We have 12 months ahead of  us which can be filled with great endeavours. My 2016 planner is already getting filled up!

I often have people come up to me to ask whether I miss teaching. My answer is always the same. I am content where I am, a different phase, a different season. I may not be formally teaching in a university but I am teaching all the same – teaching myself and others around me and more importantly, learning, which is key to everything. Ronald E. Osborne says “ Unless you do something beyond what you’ve already mastered, you will never grow.”

Broken pieces can be fixed. Only if we want to.

This article was originally printed in the NEW STRAITS TIMES MALAYSIA 17 JAN 2016
http://digital.nstp.com.my/nst/books/160117nstnews/index.html#/23/                                          

TEN RULES TO LIVE YOUR LIFE BY

The thing about resolutions is that they are all done in good faith. I cannot remember the resolutions I made when the year changed from 2014 to 2015 and therefore can safely say that I neither honoured nor broke any.

So with 2016 I think I’d rather list down 10 rules of day-to-day living that I will continue to abide by because they have served me well thus far.

Rule 1:

I DON’T WORRY ABOUT WHO DOESN’T LIKE ME BECAUSE I’M TOO BUSY LOVING THE PEOPLE WHO LOVE ME.

This is a conscious act of the will and I find it very effective. The underlying principle is life is short and it is wonderful to be surrounded by people who care for you and to be able to love and care for others in return. I have so many new and not so new friends who are genuinely interested in being concerned about one another. The bottom line is I cannot please everyone and there’ll always be someone who will find fault, real or imagined, with me. So why let someone else’s myopic view of you spoil your day?

Rule 2:

IN EVERYTHING I DO, I GIVE IT MY BEST SHOT. NO HALF MEASURES.

I agree with this wholeheartedly - be it going to the office, delving into a hobby or doing voluntary work. I find that some people are ‘embarrassed’ with their own quality of work and think that it is not good enough. For me, if  I’ve pitched in my best effort, then it is certainly good enough for myself and others, if not excellent.

Rule 3:

COMMITMENT, RESPONSIBILITY, DELIVERY: ACTIONS, NOT WORDS.

It is easy to make empty promises and saying yes when we mean no. I have learnt that if I say yes, then it becomes my responsibility to deliver. I have also learnt that it is not easy to say no. When others expect you to say yes to a favour and the answer is no, more often than not, they become miffed. At the end of the day, it is more important to be honest with yourself and not take more than you can handle or are comfortable with.

Rule 4:

BEFORE I STEP OUT OF MY HOUSE (EVEN FOR A LOAF OF BREAD), I MUST LOOK PRESENTABLE.

I’ve always believed in the quality of the product and its packaging. A good product looks better if it is packaged beautifully.

Rule 5:

WHEN UNSURE, IT IS BETTER TO BE OVERDRESSED THAN UNDERDRESSED.

So far, I have not gone wrong on this point. It is always pleasant to the eye to look good and feel good.

Rule 6:

EAT EVERYTHING IN MODERATION. EXERCISE IF I CAN.

Like most Malaysians I enjoy good food. Tastes change with age and sweet things do not lure me as much as savoury stuff and I guess I eat most things that walk or swim. Occasional treats are most welcome but gluttony or indulgence is not. When the weather is good, I take my walks.

Rule 7:

GIVE OF MY TIME, TALENTS AND MONEY. THEY ARE NOT MINE TO BEGIN WITH.

I have to remind myself of this regularly lest I think I can bring them to the grave with me.

Rule 8:

LET GO OF THE THINGS I CANNOT CHANGE.

Never enter marriage thinking you can change a person. There are many things or people that we cannot agree with but it is not my job to change them. The only changes I can make are within myself.

Rule 9:

BE GRATEFUL, NEVER TAKE FOR GRANTED THE PEOPLE OR THE THINGS THAT WE HAVE AROUND US.

It is so very important to appreciate our family and friends because there is tendency to forget the people who are around us all the time. The words ‘I love you’ or ‘thank you’ must never be in short supply.

Rule 10:

LOVE WITH PASSION. LIVE WITH FOCUS. FORGIVE WITH DETERMINATION.

This is the rule that holds up all the others. I don’t believe in holding back love when I care for a person even if I have gone through bad experiences. I wake up being grateful that I have the opportunity to live another day in good health and surrounded by warmth. Most of all I’m determined to forgive others, because if I choose to hold on to grudges and hurts, I am the one who is most trapped.

                                 Wishing all readers a happy new year!

This article was originally printed in the NEW STRAITS TIMES MALAYSIA, 3 JANUARY 2016
http://digital.nstp.com.my/nst/books/160103nstnews/index.html#/23/

THE BEST GIFT IS THE GIFT OF HOPE

I was driving along O’Connell Street in Limerick one evening and traffic was grinding to an all time slow. Why, because there were cranes here and there hoisting burly men to elevated positions as they fixed strings of beautiful street lights to usher in Christmas. There was a certain excitement in the air and I was pretty sure no one was complaining because it was quite a sight to behold as the workers, all dressed in their safety gear, carefully lifted up the main attraction – the Star of Hope.

The star wondrously lit up the dark winter sky. During WW II, there were stars hanging in many windows, as families hoped for the safe return of their loved ones who were serving in the war.

Temperatures were dropping all around as I sat in the car with the heater turned up and the radio blasting Christmas carols of sleigh bells ringing and the spirit of giving hope.

Hope is a feeling of expectation and desire for a particular thing to happen. It is not wishful thinking.

One of the activities that I get involved in is the annual shoebox appeal. Organised by Team Hope Ireland, this charity body works with children and their families and communities in war torn countries in Eastern Europe, former Soviet Union and Africa.

Last year, people in Limerick sent 8000 shoeboxes stuffed with toys, sweets and other gifts to the children in Lesotho, sowing a little hope into the lives of young ones who have nothing in the way of material goods.

So I wrapped a shoe box with pretty paper and went shopping for goodies for a little girl that I have never met. I felt like a child again and  thought a ‘princess’ theme might appeal. 

It was more difficult than I had thought.

Socks with Disney ‘Frozen’ princess images came in a range of sizes and I had completely forgotten what children feet sizes were! The sales girl came to the rescue and I bought stickers, stationery and a jigsaw puzzle – all with princesses on them.

Next came toiletries, and the range was gorgeous –  child size make-up kits, Olaf the snowman toothpaste and tooth brush that were screaming at me to buy. I succumbed and bought a bag of Haribo gummy bears as well.

I stuffed everything into the shoe box and then topped it up with a card with Irish sheep cartoons (that had real wool stuck to them) as well as a soft toy bunny that I made. I was very surprised that a shoe box could hold so much stuff.

Just like the child who picks up a starfish and throws back into the sea so that it can live, I know my shoebox will not change the world but it might mean the world to just one child.

I felt that I was certainly enriched by the whole experience.

It reminded me of the times when I was involved with groups that did voluntary work with the hill people in the Philippines and the indigenous people in Malaysia. Even though we supplied them with basic necessities like medicine and food, the welcome  that we received surpassed anything that we had imagined. Their hospitality put us all to shame and whatever little they had, they shared with us. It is strange but when we give a little of ourselves or what we have, we receive even much more.  

I was listening to Bob Dylan’s ‘Blowing in the Wind’, the lyrics laden with strands of war, peace and freedom. Dylan says that the answer to  chaos is in the wind. But ‘ just like a restless piece of paper it’s got to come down...But the only trouble is that no one picks up the answer when it comes down so not too many people get to see and know . . . and then it flies away.’

What is it that we hope for as the year draws to a close?      

It is my hope that we love our neighbours as our ourselves- to respect and regard their needs and desires as highly as we regard our own.                                                                  

                                 

                                      A blessed Christmas to all Christians!


This article was originally printed in the NEW STRAITS TIMES MALAYSIA, 20 DECEMBER 2015
http://digital.nstp.com.my/nst/books/151220nstnews/index.html#/23/

THAT LEAP OF FAITH WILL DO WONDERS

I have not been to the South Pole but I have been to the South Pole Inn twice. This is a cosy pub in Annascaul in the Dingle Peninsula in County Kerry and it lives to tell the story of how a local man, Tom Crean , took part in three Antartic expeditions in the first two decades of the twentieth century. There is an artistic display of his life achievements on the ceiling which is worth craning the neck for.

This is an example of taking the leap. It is to go for something at all costs.  It calls for dogged determination and resolve that not many will dare venture because of self imposed limitations.

Tony Evans, a writer who visited South Africa observes that the impala is a fast runner and is known for its leaping ability, reaching heights up to 3 metres but can still be contained in a zoo enclosure with a metre high wall. The impala does not jump because it cannot see where it will land. The impala remains trapped in its self-imposed limitations.

In contrast , Stoffel the honey badger will stop at nothing to escape his enclosure at Moholoholo Rehab Centre in South Africa. It is amazing how this escape artist can make use of almost anything to try to get out of its man made enclosure.

Times have changed and the worst thing is to be caught in the middle.

It is like being caught in the tectonic shift and there is nothing you can do about it. As an illustration, the earth’s crust, called the lithosphere, consists of 15 to 20 moving tectonic plates. The plates are like pieces of a cracked shell that rest on the hot, molten rock of Earth’s mantle and fit snugly against one another. The heat from radioactive processes within the planet’s interior causes the plates to move, sometimes toward and sometimes away from each other. We can’t really see this happening but it is happening.

I have lived in the non-computer era and now have just enough computer knowledge to get by but not as techno savvy as the little boy next door.

I salute senior citizens who sign up for computer and digital photography classes. It is simply amazing to hear that these people also skype their children or grandchildren  living in the other side of the world and make use of instagram and hashtags even. Having said that there are many who refuse to learn anything new and prefer to stick to what they are comfortable with.

                                                                                          

Even the job market scene has changed. Many people in my generation would have held on to one job for most of our lives. We call that loyalty to the firm or just being content with our lot. Now, we hear of head hunters who identify potential workers  even when they are still in the university. There are also enterprising students who seek out contacts and internship  experience way before they graduate. The procedure of writing out the resume and waiting for the interview seems rather outdated these days. It is not surprising too that job change is rather frequent especially with the promise of better pay or benefits.

Adjusting to change is never easy. Taking the leap to do something different is even harder. Is there something that we have always longed for but have never tried? Are we waiting for the opportunity or are we creating the opportunity?

It is strange but are we hardwired to be negative rather than positive? According to psychologists like Roy F. Baumister, Ellen Tratslavsky, Kathleen Vohs, and Catrin Finkenauer.,  negative experiences or the fear of them have a greater impact on people than positive ones.   A study by John Cacioppo and his colleagues showed that our attitudes are more heavily influenced by bad news than good news.

So, we can either be the impala or the honey badger. The greatest fear is to step out. But once we have done so and are happy with our choice, then we wonder why we never did it much earlier.

This article was originally printed in the NEW STRAITS TIMES MALAYSIA, 6 DECEMBER 2015,      http://digital.nstp.com.my/nst/books/151206nstnews/index.html#/23/